just a closer walk with thee

i wish there was a magical way that i could explain my faith in a way that would express the Goodness of my Father. 
i've had circular type conversations about faith where i totally get where the doubter is coming from. 
Isn't it just about being good?  What more is prayer than just a few moments of concentrated thought?  Does reading the bible really amount to anything more than reading any other book?  What does it even mean to have a "relationship" with God?  What difference is there between your conscience and, "God speaking to you"?
And sometimes i think that it's harder for the really "good" people in the world to see the point in surrendering - because they feel like they're pretty capably holding their own without Him.  Maybe is it easier for some - like the woman in Luke 7 - who had much to forgive, to surrender completely? 
Sometimes these conversations happen with people who are Christians too - but their view of God has become so broken - that they are unable to really know His love, and so they see no point in cultivating a worthless relationship with someone they half feel they're imagining most of the time. (mark 9:24)  i liked the way our pastor described his own personal experience with God when he said, "Up till that point, He had been my Saviour, but not my Lord..."

And i know, Father, i know - it's not my job to convince anyone...

But it's kind of like if you were to hear a nasty rumour about one of your best friends that you knew was not true.  You want to clear their name...
And it's not because i think that it's right - or even possible - to gauge the depth of anyone else's relationship with their Creator... It's just a knowledge that so many are feeling (and articulating); "What's the point?"
And this is the part where i wish for that magical ability to communicate His Goodness. 
My friend Fawne says that one of the best ways to understand if you're delving into a relationship with God or not is if you are seeing change in your life.  i've found this to be true for me too... i find that the more i know Him, the more i want to change. i become aware of my sin and weakness because in His great love, He chooses to reveal them to me.  Sometimes the changes that happen in our lives are ones that seem foolish to the world (the wife standing by the husband who cheated, the victim forgiving the one who wounded them, the guy making minimum wage who gives sacrificially...)  The believer who is in a relationship with God is the one who is allowing Him to shape his decisions, they're the ones who change direction as He bids them to follow, they put aside their own familiar culture and cling instead to the One who hung the stars in the sky.
And i know - it might seem strange - to start that conversation with God.  i know that the thought of what He might ask you to do - if you really took the time to listen - might seem terrifying, or embarrassing or inconvenient.  And i know it seems neither safe nor dignified... to break the silence. 
i know...
i know...