Neil and i went on a date the night before and i felt awesome, but at 4am - i woke up and my body was miserable.
When my alarm went off in the morning, i felt guilty for feeling awful - i was supposed to set up our 40 Days for Life table at church and i was ready to explain what we're doing *again and again and again* as many times as was necessary to get people to see that every single day in Calgary there are around 15 children whose lives are taken in their own mama's wombs. i wanted to tell them how our presence vigilling at the clinic is imperative because that's where abortions are happening. i wanted to tell them how we know we are a sign of hope for those little ones who are scheduled for death - and a sign of mercy to their mamas who are blinded by a moment of crisis. i wanted to point out the current trend in our culture to devalue all human life - and i wanted the chance to tell them that if we began to see value in the vulnerable - there would be a great awakening towards the Creator who so lovingly fashioned us all. i knew today was important, but i couldn't stand up without feeling violently dizzy. i tried to have a shower and ended up on the floor. i crawled to my closet and got on a skirt and top - and then collapsed on my bed and texted my friend who was doing the table with me and told her i couldn't make it.
The rest of the day is a blur - i slept, i drank apple cider vinegar, i drank water, took advil for my pounding head and didn't stand upright at all.
And i hate days like that... where i'm unable. Those days when i feel like i failed the important. The ones where i didn't even have one good mama conversation with one child, didn't make the bed, didn't clean anything other than my own sick. It feels wasted.
And at the end of the day - i still feel rotten.
But i know - that as frustrated as i am to be sidelined... that this battle against injustice isn't mine alone. My friends stood in my place and gave out information.
A meagre three - but still THREE - signed up to take time praying at the vigil.
God wasn't stuck sick in bed... only i was.
And that makes all the difference in the world.
He's got this and i trust Him.